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Fear not, readers!
I have not abandoned you!
I have merely been very busy with starting university and the like…
But I’m settled now, and doing well!
So I’ll be back to ranting and screaming soon!
I know I’m not the only person who finds the loud-mouthed youths clad in elasticated sportswear, that has been stretched to the limit by the immense waistline of the blob inside it, immensely distressing. These kids walk around as if they own the place, wherever they may be, because they think it’s “cool” to make shop workers’, and other shoppers’, lives hell.
They knock down displays, often on top of people, deliberately and laugh as they kick the resulting pile around the store. They shout, swear and generally insult everyone they see in an attempt to gain the respect that they are rapidly losing forever.
It is these children who will grow up to misuse the benefits system because their one GCSE is not enough to find them any kind of employment, not even in the stores they once vandalised or the McDonald’s to which they owe their size.
But what really gets me is that these punks are, like, twelve! They should be watching scooby doo and buying brightly coloured lunch boxes for school!
They shouldn’t be running around busy city centres on their own on a Sunday!
One thing is for sure, if these kids expect serving after this sort of behaviour they are in for a shock!
This one is a bit of an old story, but not much interesting has happened this week.
Name tags. You’ve seen them, you may have even worn them, but are you aware just how attached stores are to these plastic badges?
If you forget your name tag, or even if you do not yet have yours, the manager is highly likely to make you wear someone else’s spare badge. For weeks I was referred to by a name that was not mine.
Customers would say “thank you” followed by these names, leaving me wondering who on earth they were talking to!
It’s madness, these badges are supposed to make it more personal, but they aren’t always the name of the people wearing them!
And customers, how would you like it if people started treating you like you were bosom buddies as soon as they learned you name?
I realise it’s on my tag and you can read it, but it’s not there because I want it to be! I would much prefer that you did not know my name unless I chose to tell it to you.
I have three sections to this post:
1) loud music blaring from speakers rather than headphones.
2) kids running around, screaming, touching other people’s things, looking unwashed, being rude to their parents and/or strangers or a combination of more than one of these things…
3) smelly people.
The above outlines the problems faced by those of us who, through no fault of our own, are forced to endure the horrific world that is public transportation. And I haven’t even begun to look at the trials faced when the drivers of or conductors on these modes of transport are having a bad day!
Let’s start with number one: music.
Can I just make one thing clear, I have very eclectic music tastes, I like the Beatles, Korn, Enya, BFMV, Taylor Swift, Ollie Murs… But as soon as it is coming out of the speakers on someone’s phone or iPod or whatever while I am stuck on a bus/train/tram with you, I hate that music. Strongly.
All the while it is playing, there is a very graphic scene playing out in my head featuring the removal of the ears of the individual whose device if defiling the ears of those around them. I wish I could walk over and tell them to use headphones or throw the device out the window… But I know the response. Verbal abuse. I don’t know about anyone else but I quite like not being disturbed on the bus (hence my dislike of the speakers), so inviting abuse from these brainless imbeciles seems a tad, for lack of a better word, scary.
As for kids! Don’t get me wrong, I love kids! I have young cousins and friends with young siblings.. I even manage to enjoy joining in with their games sometimes!
But these are kids that I know. Kids that know me. Not some strangers kids who are climbing all over a bunch of people they’ve never met who, for all their parents know, could be dangerous to that child!
I don’t like strangers talking to me on public transport regardless of their age. But a child drooling while they play with my handbag (it is shaped like a car for my benefit, not some random child’s) and try to see what’s in the trunk (my purse you stupid little shit) is just unbearable. I will be biting my lip to prevent myself yelling at the parent of said child to look after it properly the entire time that I am picking up my stuff, putting it on my lap and turning very deliberately towards the window.
Do I really need to elaborate?
We’ve all smelt it.
Why do they not use showers and deodorant?!
I would like to simply describe the symptoms of this anomaly.
And I do call it an anomaly. Most customers are polite and recognise that the staff of a store or supermarket are still human beings with emotions.
To start with these ‘rude customers’ have very little patience, and even less ability in terms of manners. For example, asking for a bag as soon as they have put down their basket despite the fact that there is a bag on the side for them already, or, rather than noticing that there is a queue and I need to serve other customers, standing there dumbly waiting for me to pack their bag (something I am not paid to do and, due to my position verses theirs on the checkout, is actually much harder for me to do than them). That said, if a customer clearly needs help I do willingly give them assistance, it’s when a perfectly able-bodied youth stands there looking gormless scratching his ass that I develop temporary deafness, turn to help the next customer and ignore the repeated word ‘pack’, without so much as a please.
There are also those people who assume that they are the most important person in the store, they are at the front of a queue and they decide – after I have scanned all of their items and they are packed – that they want something else. They then bugger off leaving their stuff on the side (unpaid for) to get it, with a growing queue taking up most of the nearest aisle.
I’m sorry, but if you do this I (and any other member of staff who remembers that EVERY customer is equal) WILL void your transaction and serve other customers. We will then insist that you rejoin at the back of the queue, regardless of how long it has become, and we will refuse to let you push in.
And as for those people who leave the tills after buying their items, only to return once I have moved on to the next customer, and then try to push back in to the front because they ‘forgot something’ or found something near the door that they wanted, you have left the queue! Your previous transaction is over and you are attempting to initiate a new one; go to the back of the queue.
And if you’re after change GO TO THE BANK! We do not often have much in the way of change, we keep only what we need in the tills. So next time you want a 50p packet of gum with a £20 note (a common occurrence) remember that you will get a glare and coins only in your change. Because we cannot keep much in the way of notes in the till. And often we are out of those as a result.
What is it with those customers who come in shouting the odds?
And are then wrong.
Customer: why isn’t your bakery reduced, you always reduce it by now!
Me: actually sir we always do reductions for the bakery at six o’clock, that’s the policy put in place by head office for every store. It’s only four o’clock, we’ll be reducing the bakery in two hours time. As per usual.
Customer: (calling me back as i am attempting get the item in question) can I have a bag/receipt
Me: yes, (continuing in my head or under my breath) if you learn some patience and actually let me get it for you. Amazingly enough it doesn’t appear in my hand by magic.
And then there’s always:
Customer: how much! That can’t be right.
Me: well, this item was this much, this one was that much (continues until the entire shop has been itemised)
Customer: no, this one was only this much! I’ll show you. (shows me where’s they picked it up from and the label/offer they looked at)
Me: actually this offer/label is for something completely different, as stated on the label.
Alternate me: actually this offer states that the amount here is removed from the former price, rather than being the new price.
Second alternate me: actually this item is from over here. It’s been put here by another customer, as you can tell from it’s being the only item out of place, next to all of these identical items that actually are the item identified on the label.
Customer: well you should really sell it to me at the lower price.
Me: no, I really shouldn’t. If the label had read the price you stated and the item you stated THEN AND ONLY THEN would I have had to reduce it for you. As the problem here is your illiteracy, the store is not at fault and you either have to suck it up and buy the item at it’s correct price, or leave it and get the rest of your shopping. Your choice.
And my personal favourite:
Customer: why is the chip shop across the road closed?!
Me: I’m sorry?
Customer: you heard! Why is the chip shop not open! It should be open by now!
Me: I’m afraid that as I work here, in this store, not in the chip shop, I can offer you absolutely no insight into how the running of the chip shop works.
Customer: (to another member of store staff) oi you! Why isn’t the chip shop open yet?!
Me: sir, nobody in this store has any control over the chip shop opening hours. If you have a problem with the chip store I suggest you wait until they do open and take it up over there.
And finally, and this is a true story, we come to the customer described in the heading.
Customer: can I have a bag?
Me: sure. (opens a bag and puts it down on the counter in front of the customer)
Customer: (shouting) you threw that at my face! You saw that, she threw the bag at my face! I could sue up you for that, I could get you fired! I know how it works here, I can get you fired for that! You threw it at my face!
Me:… No I didn’t.. I pu…
Customer: Yes you did! You threw it at my face! I’ll get you fired for that! I want to talk to your manager! I can get you fired!
Me: … We have CCTV, I get get it checked.
Customer: just you remember that I could have got you fired! (swiftly leaves store on realising that my not throwing the bag at his face would be on camera)